I Wish I Knew a Priest

Oh, I wish I knew a priest,

To kiss him at the feet, a hairy white-collared beast

My gracious male guide,

A human image of gods pride

To love me as his own,

And late night calls on the phone

But this priest I knew was in sin,

and my t-shirt of life was creased,

Embracing the arms of the priest.


I should’ve got to know the nun,

Cruising in solitude, ministry of fun,

I like reading literature anyway

To talk the dangerous evils of ‘gay’

And feed me my milk at the end of the day,

But ‘I am so made that I cannot believe’,

And baby it aint in my heart to deceive.


Come to think of it, priest at school made me feel slightly sick,

And the nun in this town was locked up, brick by brick…

Still, I wish I knew a priest to get me through those times,

And in return, my friend, i’ll cover up your crimes.


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